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[incaenstrix]

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[inkindled]

Well--the Maker, I s'ppose. Hang on, covered up--so everyone in Tevinter thinks Andraste was a mage?

[incaenstrix]

Mm-hmm.

[inkindled]

Get out of it. I never thought of it that way before. Her, I mean. Andraste. And there's a whole country out there what thinks it. Mad.

[Thinking, processing, thinking.]

Why didn't she stop herself from being captured if she were a mage? 'Cos she could have burnt them all before she was burnt. Or at least she could've fought more. They didn't have Templars back then.

[incaenstrix]

Well, she was betrayed, wasn't she? [ Wisely: ] They had to take her by surprise.

[inkindled]

Oh. Yeah. Maybe.

[Thinking more, thinking more...]

Maker's balls. Maybe. I'd think mages would know more about it--mages outside of Tevinter--'cos that'd be a big feather in our cap, wouldn't it, if Andraste were a mage. The Chantry couldn't say anything to us if she was.

[incaenstrix]

Yeah. I'm surprised you didn't know about it. It was one of the things that made it more okay that I was a mage - I felt a lot closer to Andraste.

[inkindled]

Sort of the opposite for me. Andraste sounded a massive clag. I never liked her, even before I knew I was a mage.

[incaenstrix]

[ This sounds INSANE to Tertia. ]

You never liked - How could you not like her? She's Andraste!

[inkindled]

I didn't dislike her, or anything, it's only--I dunno. Everyone was always going on and on and on about her. Bored me nearly dead. I was small, though--and then I learnt I was a mage--so maybe if I'd heard more I'd've felt differently.

[incaenstrix]

[ Boy you need to wise up. ]

I would think so. She was a slave, you know, who freed herself. And then you'd think, being free, she'd just go home - only she didn't, she raised up an army and marched on the worshippers of the Old Gods to punish them. That's as un-boring as you can get. Can you even imagine?

[inkindled]

No, [honest answer,] I can't. Never really thought about any of it all that much, 'cos it always seemed like there was something more important happening.

[incaenstrix]

Well -

[ Her voice gentling. ]

It does seem like you've had so much happening in your life. I can see why you didn't think about it. I can't even imagine everything you did have to think about.

[inkindled]

[More suspicious (friendly-like suspicious) than annoyed--]

Are you having me on?

[incaenstrix]

[ Hey man. ]

You mean am I making fun of you? No. What, are you saying you haven't done a lot in your life?

[inkindled]

Oh. Well--yeah, I have, I s'ppose. Sort of. Not that much, maybe. Only so have you. More, I expect. So I didn't know if you weren't being sarcastic, like.

[incaenstrix]

Oh - I really haven't. [ Shaking her head - but this is wry rather than miserable or self-pitying - ] Most of my life, until just a few years ago - it was all spent in the same square in Minrathous. I only left it to sleep and eat, and our quarters were only a thousand paces away. You traveled across Thedas.

[inkindled]

Yeah, spent it in a shit tent in the mud or at the back end of a battlefield. I've been to Redcliffe, in the field in front of it. I were only an apprentice. I think sometimes I were more like a mascot, y'know? I mean, don't get me wrong, I like it when people think I'm big and important. I dunno that I actually was, or am. It's-- [unable to find the word or words for how it feels to be recognized (good) but embarrassed by the recognition and unsure you're due it, he makes a sort of ehhhh sound.] --like that.

And what's happened in between you in a square in Minrathous and you now, eh? I reckon those few years've been packed fair full.

[incaenstrix]

[ A little too full. ]

You don't know if you're important now? Don't pretend you're modest.

[inkindled]

No--I'm not pretending at anything-- I mean, all right, maybe a bit more, 'cos-- Oh, I dunno. Honestly, I feel like a right idiot these days.

[incaenstrix]

[ This seems ridiculous to her. ]

Why?

[inkindled]

[There's a moment of hesitation--but only a moment. Matthias can't not talk. He lets out a breath and launches in to it.]

I didn't tell you. But--you know how my staff broke, at Starkhaven? It was stupid. I tripped and broke it. So there was that. Now I'm here, not at the Gallows--not that I want to be, particularly--and I s'ppose it's sort of an honor, or something--but I know I'm not there 'cos I'd likely cock it up and say something to the Chantry mother--or do something--or, I dunno. I don't want to be there. I wouldn't want a stupid bloody Chantry mother to like me. I'm proud, a little, even, right? But I still feel stupid. And then--well, it's worse, and don't tell anyone, all right? Please? But Marcus Rowntree absolutely told me off after Starkhaven. Not even unkindly, but it happened and--and he was right, really, when I think about it--but I felt like absolute bollocks, Tertia, really I did. And I can't stop thinking about it. So there's all of that.

[incaenstrix]

[ She listens to that thoughtfully. After a moment of quiet, she says - ]

I don't know if it helps. But I think he wouldn't have told you off if he didn't think highly of you. He wouldn't spend time to try to teach you unless you were worth teaching.

[ Does that help at all?

Oh, also - ]

I won't tell anyone, by the way. I promise.

[inkindled]

Thanks. For not telling.

[His voice is wonky now because he has his cheek pressed to the desk he's sat at.]

Eurgh. D'you think so, really? About Enchanter Rowntree?

[incaenstrix]

Of course! The other possibility is that he - oh, I don't know - likes making you miserable. And I don't think that's possible. He's so kind. So it has to be that he's probably putting stress on himself, and making himself anxious, to teach you.

[inkindled]

Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Mngf--

[Matthias rolls onto his face, flattening his nose and mouth and chin and all onto the desktop. His sigh comes out all squashy.]

Yeah. I hope that's it. I don't want to disappoint him--which is childish, really, I know--but I can't help it. I knew all about him before I joined up with Riftwatch. He's a proper hero. If he were sour on me, I'd pull my brains out my nose.