[There's a moment of hesitation--but only a moment. Matthias can't not talk. He lets out a breath and launches in to it.]
I didn't tell you. But--you know how my staff broke, at Starkhaven? It was stupid. I tripped and broke it. So there was that. Now I'm here, not at the Gallows--not that I want to be, particularly--and I s'ppose it's sort of an honor, or something--but I know I'm not there 'cos I'd likely cock it up and say something to the Chantry mother--or do something--or, I dunno. I don't want to be there. I wouldn't want a stupid bloody Chantry mother to like me. I'm proud, a little, even, right? But I still feel stupid. And then--well, it's worse, and don't tell anyone, all right? Please? But Marcus Rowntree absolutely told me off after Starkhaven. Not even unkindly, but it happened and--and he was right, really, when I think about it--but I felt like absolute bollocks, Tertia, really I did. And I can't stop thinking about it. So there's all of that.
[ She listens to that thoughtfully. After a moment of quiet, she says - ]
I don't know if it helps. But I think he wouldn't have told you off if he didn't think highly of you. He wouldn't spend time to try to teach you unless you were worth teaching.
Of course! The other possibility is that he - oh, I don't know - likes making you miserable. And I don't think that's possible. He's so kind. So it has to be that he's probably putting stress on himself, and making himself anxious, to teach you.
[Matthias rolls onto his face, flattening his nose and mouth and chin and all onto the desktop. His sigh comes out all squashy.]
Yeah. I hope that's it. I don't want to disappoint him--which is childish, really, I know--but I can't help it. I knew all about him before I joined up with Riftwatch. He's a proper hero. If he were sour on me, I'd pull my brains out my nose.
[ Laughing, but with sympathy - ] I'd pull my brains out of my nose if I disappointed him, and I didn't even know he was a hero. I'd never heard of him before coming here. It's because he's - You know, because he's Marcus.
[With great understanding, and meaning,] Yeah. Because he's Marcus. Which makes it worse, nearly--if he were some terrible bastard, that'd be one thing--but he's got to be a hero and himself.
I do think you're right. About, y'know, him thinking well of me and wanting to teach me and all. Or I hope you're right, leastways--although he did say this thing about taking charge of education, so I think you might actually right be.
Have they got Enchanters that teach all the titchy apprentices, in Tevinter? I know there's loads of titles. The Altos and the-- L-ones--
[Alti and Laetans. He'll likely forget again in a moment, but Matthias tries to stick the names in his head all the same.]
S'ppose it's all very different. 'Cos those titles really mean something different, don't they--and the Circles had titles, like, but they weren't invented by mages so they'd be sort of shit to keep using. We ought to make up or own. Mages, I mean. Not just you and me. We could, I s'ppose.
They're Orlesian. They're fairly massive--they look like they've been flayed, right, like they've not got any fur or skin or anything, just what's underneath all that--the meat--all out in the open. And they're colored like that as well, like meat colored. And then they've got this nasty little beak, like a bird--and then they've got these massive spikey quills on their back.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-04-06 12:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-06 12:22 am (UTC)Why?
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Date: 2023-04-06 03:17 am (UTC)I didn't tell you. But--you know how my staff broke, at Starkhaven? It was stupid. I tripped and broke it. So there was that. Now I'm here, not at the Gallows--not that I want to be, particularly--and I s'ppose it's sort of an honor, or something--but I know I'm not there 'cos I'd likely cock it up and say something to the Chantry mother--or do something--or, I dunno. I don't want to be there. I wouldn't want a stupid bloody Chantry mother to like me. I'm proud, a little, even, right? But I still feel stupid. And then--well, it's worse, and don't tell anyone, all right? Please? But Marcus Rowntree absolutely told me off after Starkhaven. Not even unkindly, but it happened and--and he was right, really, when I think about it--but I felt like absolute bollocks, Tertia, really I did. And I can't stop thinking about it. So there's all of that.
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Date: 2023-04-06 03:23 am (UTC)I don't know if it helps. But I think he wouldn't have told you off if he didn't think highly of you. He wouldn't spend time to try to teach you unless you were worth teaching.
[ Does that help at all?
Oh, also - ]
I won't tell anyone, by the way. I promise.
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Date: 2023-04-06 03:28 am (UTC)[His voice is wonky now because he has his cheek pressed to the desk he's sat at.]
Eurgh. D'you think so, really? About Enchanter Rowntree?
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Date: 2023-04-06 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-07 07:35 pm (UTC)[Matthias rolls onto his face, flattening his nose and mouth and chin and all onto the desktop. His sigh comes out all squashy.]
Yeah. I hope that's it. I don't want to disappoint him--which is childish, really, I know--but I can't help it. I knew all about him before I joined up with Riftwatch. He's a proper hero. If he were sour on me, I'd pull my brains out my nose.
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Date: 2023-04-07 08:44 pm (UTC)[ Laughing, but with sympathy - ] I'd pull my brains out of my nose if I disappointed him, and I didn't even know he was a hero. I'd never heard of him before coming here. It's because he's - You know, because he's Marcus.
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Date: 2023-04-08 03:05 am (UTC)I do think you're right. About, y'know, him thinking well of me and wanting to teach me and all. Or I hope you're right, leastways--although he did say this thing about taking charge of education, so I think you might actually right be.
Have they got Enchanters that teach all the titchy apprentices, in Tevinter? I know there's loads of titles. The Altos and the-- L-ones--
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Date: 2023-04-08 03:15 am (UTC)[ She's still smiling, but she's just a bit more subdued. This is less lovely than, say, thinking about Marcus. ]
And yes, I think so. There were students that I knew. But I don't think it's like in the South, with Circles like they are here.
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Date: 2023-04-09 04:08 am (UTC)[Alti and Laetans. He'll likely forget again in a moment, but Matthias tries to stick the names in his head all the same.]
S'ppose it's all very different. 'Cos those titles really mean something different, don't they--and the Circles had titles, like, but they weren't invented by mages so they'd be sort of shit to keep using. We ought to make up or own. Mages, I mean. Not just you and me. We could, I s'ppose.
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Date: 2023-04-10 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-11 12:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-11 01:06 am (UTC)For a moment I thought you were going to say grandmother.
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Date: 2023-04-11 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-11 02:56 am (UTC)[ Cheerful and happy: ]
Great mage is pretty good. Or what if we had names after specific animals? The Fox and the Bear and that sort of thing.
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Date: 2023-04-11 03:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 01:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-26 02:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-27 02:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-27 04:51 am (UTC)It's as I said. Nasty.
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Date: 2023-04-27 04:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-27 04:38 pm (UTC)What--d'you think I'm that hideous!
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Date: 2023-04-27 10:43 pm (UTC)[ Oh no. Even though he's laughing, she doesn't want to offend him by accident, or leave him wondering later if she meant something unkind. ]
You're very nice-looking.
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Date: 2023-04-27 10:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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